Discovering Your Parenting Style

Implementing Change and Avoiding Chaos – Discovering Your Parenting Style

“Sit down! Stop it! Go to your room.”

“Honey, you are acting a little harsh and mean.”

“Noooooooo! I won’t do it!”

How can you change the atmosphere in your home and avoid the chaos that stems from the differing parenting styles of biological parents and stepparents?

First, it’s important to understand the parenting styles of those involved in disciplining and interacting with your children. When seeking to learn how to make changes, a trusted family counseling center in San Diego is important.There are five steps:

1. We determine what your parenting style is and how it affects your children.
   1. Your parenting style is influenced by your beliefs. Your beliefs come from many important areas:
      1. Traditions:  You are strongly influenced by the culture you live and are raised in. The customs you practiced as a child in your family will either mesh with or collide with those practiced by your partner. When your ex remarries, you may have no control over the traditions that will be placed upon your children.
      2. Spiritual beliefs: Your spiritual beliefs also strongly influence how you raise your children. How we treat each other, where we practice our spiritual beliefs, how much time we spend in church, temple or synagogue along with the way our spirituality affects:
         1. Functional Beliefs
         2. Privileges
         3. Social Engagements
         4. Morals
2. We identify what needs to change, explore what your boundaries are and how your boundaries affect your parenting as well as other relationships in your life.
   1. Boundaries are where you end and someone else begins. They communicate what you will and will not do.
      1. Your boundaries may sound something like this:
         1. “Yes I will budget some money so you can participate in soccer.”
         2. “No, I can’t take time away from attending church to drive you across town.”
3. We teach you how to implement change and develop rules.
   1. We all dislike some rules. What is your attitude about rules and how does this rub off on your children?
      1. Teaching them that rules are actually for their benefit helps children feel safe as rules are like a study fence that keeps the good in and the bad out.
         1. We can explore six steps that will lead you to making changes:
            1. set the change and arrange a meeting with your family
            2. share your concerns
            3. meet to discuss specifics
            4. meet to present the rules
            5. meet to present the consequences for each rule
            6. make it happen
4. We help you develop a belief system for discipline, exploring why it’s so important and how to avoid multiple set of rules that confuse your children.
   1. By making rules current and relevant, you will help foster a closer, more collaborative relationship with your kids.
      1. Authoritative, controlling, and permissive are three of the most prevalent parenting styles that simply do not work any longer in our culture.  Perhaps you have noticed signs of all three in your own habits.  On the other hand, maybe you have gained some good tips on avoiding them altogether.
         1. Remember, no matter what culture we live in, kids need to be parented with unconditional love.  Your love is not a reward for their good grades, staying out of trouble, helping around the house, or making the all-star team.
         2. With your words and actions, express to your kids there is nothing they could do to make you love them more, and nothing they could do to make you love them less.
         3. If you parent with liberal amounts of love and grace, you will not have to worry about this new culture turning your kids astray
5. Finally, we explore how to develop rules, establish consequences and why consequences are necessary.

Parenting today is a complicated endeavor and you need support! Let us be the trusted and experienced support you need and deserve.