Creating and living by your own rules and values Even when your Ex Doesn’t Respect Yours
One of the reasons you divorced could have been a drastic difference in beliefs and values. The differences you had in marriage will continue to be a thorn in the flesh unless you quickly learn how to separate yourself, your children, and your new spouse from your exes and theirs.
Begin thinking about the relationship with your ex as an entirely new one. The old must past and the new begin. The past that you had as a couple no longer exists. Seeking counseling and support will help you grieve what was and move on to what is. This new life centers around your children and how you can raise them in the most healing and supportive manner possible.
It all begins with your mindset and prayer. Before you communicate with your ex, think of the higher purpose involved in your children and their well-being. If you and your ex can communicate, then try to establish guidelines that are similar in each household. Rules around homework issues, curfew, and off limit activities should be followed in both households as much as possible.
But what if you can’t communicate with your ex.?
Unfortunately, past pain and differences can keep parents from setting self aside and moving on. Every intimate relationship has three stages, romance, the power struggle, and finally the partnership. Most couples get stuck in the power struggle and divorce while staying stuck in that stage. This is carried on into the divorced relationship and the fall out is on the kids.
But…he, but… she….
The word but divides, the word and connects. If you say, I want to be able to co-parent with my ex but…that but negates what you just said. It blames and divides. If you say I want to be able to co-parent with my ex and I am willing to…..now you have a connecting starting point.
Now is time to learn how to forgive, love and resolve conflict.
Be imitators of Christ, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5:1, 2
As Christians, we know that life is about love. Forgiving and allowing your emotional wounds to be healed are essential for moving on to greater freedom and happiness.
God calls us to a higher calling and the relationship you are able to cultivate with your ex is worth the time and effort. Why? Because it affects the most important things you will leave behind on this earth, your children.
For more information about how to learn to forgive, love, resolve conflict and create rules that work; contact The Center for Family Unity for upcoming free informative workshops.