Do you ever feel like a failure in your faith when you think about how much you struggle with forgiveness? The Bible teaches us that Jesus died to forgive our sins and that we should forgive others just as He has forgiven us. However, that’s often easier said than done. Forgiving is hard—especially when the offender has failed to apologize or the pain they caused runs deep. Hosea 4:6 says “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” Let’s examine the truth about forgiveness.
First let’s look at what scripture says about forgiveness. We are to forgive 70 x 7 (Matt.18:21-35), and be quick about it, not letting the sun go down on our anger (Eph. 4:26). The message is clear. God intends for us to sleep well, and never spend a night tossing and turning in anger as we relive past hurts. God knows clinging to those old hurts is harmful to our body which He calls a temple. He also gave us the Lord’s Prayer as a model (Luke 11). Every time we say it, we ask that God will forgive us, the very same way we forgive others. What a scary thought! What a good reason to learn how to forgive others.
Now let’s look at what scripture does not say about forgiveness
Scripture does not say:
- That forgiving a person means what they did was right
- That forgiving a person means they won
- That forgiving a person requires them to apologize first or ask for forgiveness
- That forgiving a person minimizes the hurt they caused, or the gravity of the sin
- That the person must understand how they hurt you before they are forgiven
- That the person must be worthy of your forgiveness
- That we are commanded to trust or reconcile with the individual that hurt us. Trust is earned over the course of time, with the currency of trustworthy behavior.
One of Satan’s favorite weapons is convincing believers they cannot or should not forgive, because their hurt is too deep. This gives the evil one a foothold, in which he creates turmoil by replaying painful memories. This thought is a half-truth like so many of Satan’s lies. The truth is without God’s help, we are not good at forgiving others.
Just as it can be hard to forgive others, it can also be difficult to look at serious mistakes made in our own lives. People that have difficulty forgiving others, often have difficulty forgiving themselves, and accepting God’s forgiveness even with His promise to forgive us when we confess.
Forgiveness is a decision… an action we take to be in obedience to God’s plan for our lives. When we forgive, we release the individual that hurt us from any obligation. We abandon thoughts of vengeance, and leave that to the Lord. At that precise moment we are freed from the shackles of bitterness that bound us to the unrealistic hope of a better past, and we enter God’s peace in the present.
If you are struggling with the inability to forgive others or yourself, The Center for Family Unity can help you learn the truth of God’s word to live victoriously in Jesus Christ. Please get in touch with us so we can help you begin your healing journey.